The Jaded Jedi

Journal and General Musings

As any fan or student of meteorology will tell you, winter officially starts on 1st December. I was reminded of that fact by a comment on the television this morning – that and the fact that the temperature has dropped suddenly losing the last mellowness of autumn.

In addition, I remembered that the last week in November was historically the traditional time for retailers to perform their last stock take before Christmas. That thought brought to mind childhood trips in to the local shops only to find a large poster on the door declaring ‘closed for stocktaking’. I don’t remember exactly when the practice went out of fashion, but it’s something that is no longer seen.
depression

It was with those in mind that I decided a little personal stock taking would be in order. In recent days I have been more aware of a sense of isolation and a feeling of lacking purpose.  I say more aware because it has been a background  harmonic for some time, however in recent days it became the primary unbroken note.

A combination of factors has come together to create this perfect storm. None particularly problematic in isolation but as a translated Icelandic saying states ‘troubles hunt in packs’. Given the particularly high rate of depression experienced in Iceland, I suppose they should know.

I live some 80 miles from my partner and experience all the practical challenges of managing a long distance relationship – fairly successfully I think. Whilst we are committed to each other he has and values his own life and space. He has his own circle of friends and interests and is one of those lucky people who attract friendships with relative ease.  Whilst we are supportive of each other, I see him for a maximum of two days a week on average and my problem is with the remaining five days.

I have never been one of those people who attracts a large circle of friends. I have a small circle of close friends but over the past year the last of these has moved from the area. Email and text is of course possible, but I certainly notice their absence.

In past months and years I have filled my spare time with volunteering, things formerly known as ‘good works’ and hobbies. However, despite being worthy, valuable and filling time ultimately you are still on your own. So although I will still continue with some of these, I think it’s time they took a back seat and I focused on my own life a little more – sounds rather selfish, but it feels as thought that time has come.

As you can imagine, today has been something of a black and rather empty place although interestingly, blogging about the issue is rather cathartic. Hopefully this is just a passing front rather than a gathering storm. Time will tell.

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